Anchor, Cinderblock, God.

Sorry I've been getting behind, guys. My first weekend as an active blogger and I let myself down.  That being said, I'm going to get myself even farther behind by neglecting my devotion and writing from my heart. I'll get caught up, I just don't know when.

As most of you know, last month I was blessed enough to go to Ethiopia.  The experience was indescribable.  But I'll talk about that later.  It'll be a long blog, so I'll probably just wait until I'm done with Deep Dive.

Anyway, last weekend, we all got together to gather pictures and catch up.  Last Monday was when God started using that 3-D lens to get to me. Last night, the team (minus 4 people) did a presentation at church discussing some of our favorite and most touching moments from the trip with church congregants and community members.  Just like on the trip, moments of laughter and tears, smiles and shaky voices were present.  But it was great. And we played a short video made by Miss Erica of pictures and music. I felt God's hand on me once again and I felt secure and strong.  But something else was on my heart.

What about next weekend? What about next Monday or Friday or the days in between? What about when I don't have a team reunion to remind me of my 10 days in Ethiopia? What happens if this weight that God has grounded me with starts breaking down? What happens if I forget?

Guys- I'm afraid of that.  I'm afraid that I'll watch a photo montage of my experience a few times and that I'll cry a lot and that I'll remember the heart behind the faces and that I'll feel the depth of what I went through and then I'll forget it all. I'm afraid that the pictures are going to lose their importance and their emotion.  I'm afraid that I'm going to forget the dusty, calloused hands I shook and the smiles of the poor.  I'm afraid that I'm going to forget the words "I love you" spoken in broken English to me and my team members. I'm afraid that I'm going to forget God's true love displayed through their anguish.  I'm just afraid I'm going to forget.

So tonight, I ask God that He will never lift this weight off of me. Coming back, I've been burdened, I've been stressed, I've been mentally tried.  God has challenged my intellect and my emotions, along with my friendships and my faith. But the weight is worth it. The weight is so worth it. I pray that God does not lift this anchor that is holding me down, that He does not crumble the cinderblock resting on my heart, and that He prevails- because not only is He my Anchor and my Cinderblock, He is my God.