What's An Oreo Without The Icing?

Have you ever just felt confused and like no one can ever relate to you no matter what you say or how you say it? Like you're alone? Like you're empty? Like you're just floating in space, waiting for someone to care about you. Waiting for someone to care. Waiting for someone to listen, not just nod and smile. Waiting to be heard. Waiting to be felt.

Yeah; me too.

Here's the thing- we're never, never, never alone. How great is that? I mean, really. Think about it. Think about the fact that there is always someone there for you. That there will always be a listener. And you know the greatest part? He can't even nod and smile- because you can't even see Him. He's all ears. How awesome is that?

God made us all pretty unique. But he is in every single cell comprising every little bit of who we are. Want proof? Try to stick with me for a minute.

I'm not biologist. By any scheme of my imagination. In fact, I haven't touched anything related to biology in three years. But I get this. Okay....so there's this thing called Laminin. It's this protein necessary in human (and most mammal) life. It hold us together. Did you not read that right? It holds us together. It's the glue in our paper mache make up. It's the icing on the Oreo. It's the grout in the tile. Our cells wouldn't stick together without it. We wouldn't survive without the millions of tiny, little Laminin in our bodies.

Maybe you'll learn better from visuals. I'm learning about educational philosophy in one of my classes, so I'll be generous, I'll put a picture of Laminin on here so you can see it. So you can picture it. I'll even put two pictures!

Are you seeing this right now?! This is what holds us together! I guess the Bible doesn't lie: "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."-Colossians 1:17

I just don't understand how people don't get this. God is always there for you! Even when you feel like no one else is. Cling to him. Because He is clinging to you. Literally. Let Him hold you together. Because he is holding you together. Literally. I've been low before, I've felt this emptiness, this blank feeling that I can't even think of things to fill with. So I've tried, I've added things to my life just because I think they'll work. Nope. God works. Really works. Turn to Him. 

Let Him rescue you. 

Love you! 

Renewal.

The title of this post is fitting in many ways.

1) I am renewing this blog. My goal of writing all the time and never lagging behind has been rapidly decreasing lately. Not cool. It's been an astoundingly pathetic 3 weeks (almost) since I've posted so much as an "I'm alive, don't worry" post and I'm beginning to think I'm letting you all down. Not like there's many of you, but the few who read, and the few who mean the world to me, I don't want to let you down. Because you're taking the time to read, so I should take the time to write. Today is Ash Wednesday, and although I'm not Catholic, I always set goals for myself for Lent. Just in case. This year, I'm giving up fried foods (while I'm at Purdue, at least), chocolate (unless it's in a homemade baked good, which could possibly come from Stella), all carbonated drinks, and talk shows (except Oprah, because, come on, it's the 25th season!). I'm also challenging myself to do more--like blog. Every day. 40 days. I'm praying God will help me with it.

2) I am renewing my soul---again. I don't know what there is to say about this, really. I am renewing that fire that God lit in me last month. Frankly, I don't care who I offend. I don't care who I make uncomfortable. I don't care who doesn't like it. This change was brought on by God. This change is in me and no one else. This change is not a mistake. And this change will not be undone. I'm living for one thing these days, and that is my awesome, awesome, God. If you have a problem with that, take it up with Him.

3) I am renewing the subject matter of this blog. Sort of. It's still going to be about my spiritual growth. I may stick a few random posts in, but mainly, the priority is still Him. But I'm done with Deep Dive 14. Partially by choice, partially not.  I had lagged way behind and I take accountability for that. If I would have focused and completed the devotional that I actually really liked, I wouldn't have ever had to get to the second part of why I'm done with it.  That reason is that the Bible app on my phone isn't working anymore.  I don't know why, but I'm really bummed.  For nothing else but the ability to look up scriptures all the time. Bottom line, I'm taking the blog post-by-post, letting God lead my thoughts.


All of that being said, I'm really getting down to business tomorrow. Next week is my spring break and I'm two papers away from freedom.  The blog will come after that, but I can't wait to get back into this. Maybe I'll just take the 40 days to talk about my trip to Ethiopia. It may take 40 days to explain it all. I've been putting it off because I just don't even know how to attack everything I want to say. We'll see how this goes.

Thanks for following me if you do, thanks for reading if you do, and thanks for commenting if you do. I check this thing a lot, even if I'm not actively posting. I'd love if you shared this because I love getting feedback.  I'm a firm believer that my relationship with God is really personal. But I need support, as well. It's our job as Christians to not only love one another, but support one another.

Wish me luck!

I love you....and God does too! :)

Angels Among Us.

Guys- I have been one awful blogger this week.  I truly apologize for that. Hopefuly, this weekend will go slow, give me grace, and let me catch up.  As I did the other night, I'm going to put myself farther behind in this post and write about something other than Deep Dive.

This might be a wordy post- please bare with me. I'm hoping it will be worth it.

Fridays, I have a class from 9:30-11:20 and then a class from 12:30-1:20.  I usually just go to my next class and sit outside for that empty hour, working on homework, writing, texting, something.  Today, I decided to go to the union instead. Don't ask why, maybe I just thought a chicken Caesar salad sounded good. Whatever the reason I went, I'm glad I did.

I went to Villa, got my Caesar salad, and sat down planning on writing about Deep Dive.  As I started to mix in my dressing, I felt like someone was hovering, only to look up and see two men on the other two sides of my little, square table.  At first, I wondered if they were going to be intrusive enough to ask to sit with me for lunch.  Then I thought they were going to give me a flyer or a pamphlet or a card about some campus organization.  How wrong I was.

Brian and Brandon were their names and they wanted to talk to me about my faith.  No one had ever asked me about my faith, at least outside of church.  I've never had to answer whether or not I was a Christian.  I've never had the honor of answering, "Yes. I'm a Christian."

They sat down and asked about me; my major, where I was from, what year I was, if I liked Purdue so far, the usual stuff. Then they told me a little bit about themselves.  Brian graduated "sometime in the 90s" from Purdue, and Brandon was a fifth year senior studying Interdisciplinary Sciences.  Then they asked me where I was in my faith. I proudly said that I was beginning to own my faith and that I was beginning to make it my own, not just my parent's.  I told them about how Ethiopia changed me and how I was now on fire for God in a way I have never been before.  Maybe it wasn't as genuine as I picked up on, maybe they were just good liars, but I think they meant it when they seemed interested in the trip.  When they asked me about God's presence in my life since the experience.  That was really refreshing.  They told me about their organization, Intervarsity Church Fellowship and then invited me to join with open arms if I was interested.

Then, before they left, they asked if they could pray for me. They genuinely cared when they asked if there was anything I wanted them to specifically pray for. I decided that if God had sent them to me, I shouldn't be too proud to talk about my post-trip sense of alienation, and asked them to pray for me in that sense.  They (well, Brian) began his prayer, lifting me and me alone up to God. I'm not meaning this in a selfish way, but it was such a blessing, a true blessing, to have this stranger send me up to God. For him to request God's guidance over me and to ask for me to shine God's light onto my friends was incredible.

I consider Brian and Brandon to be my angels, at least for today.  They left to go talk to others in the union about Intervarsity, but within 30 seconds, I had lost them. They were gone as fast as they had arrived, sent by God.

I just want to send a shout-out to God for sending me to the union instead of my class building today.  And I thank Him for blessing me with Brian and Brandon to pray for me and to reassure me in my walk of faith.

And I want you to pay attention to what's around you. Look for God. Listen for God. Becasue there are angels among us.

Cry Out To Jesus.

Day 4- Matthew 26: 36-46

Have you ever been in a situation where you really needed to talk to a good friend and they said they’d call you back, but never did? Have you ever waited for a reply to a post or text that never came? It’s the worst feeling.  Something in each of us longs to be comforted by others when we’re going through difficult times.  In the most difficult period in Jesus’ life, he called his closest friends to be around him to stay up with him throuhout the night as he prayed.  But they fell asleep.  He must have been so hurt, so disappointed.  It’s not easy to say, “How could they?” when we’re not “they”.  But each of us has probably dropped the ball at some point when a friend really needed us.  We may have offered some sort of excuse.  But the truth is, when people aren’t there when we need them, it hurts whether they have a good excuse or not.  What are some ways that you can make sure you’re there for others when they need you? God has given us church as a place of safety and refuge.  But if we’re not there, we may be missing out on “being there” for someone who’s hurting.  Do you have a small group or place of worship that you can commit to attending on a regular basis? Just think of all the opportunities to make a difference in the lives of others, just by being there.

I just started getting my emails on my phone.  It’s great because I’m never behind, but I have began a really bad habit of getting the emails, skimming them, and never writing back.  I have a project due tomorrow in one of my classes.  There was some confusion about whether I would have a partner or not due to the background of this assignment.  Long story short, my potential partner emailed me on Friday and I didn’t write back until this morning. It ended up that we weren’t going to be working together and her neglected email on Friday became obsolete and I got the project done in time. 

Though read this devotion on Friday night, I’m just now blogging about it because I got so behind. Or maybe God set me behind so I could have a current situation to relate it too.  He’s getting really good at that. 

If we would have ended up working together on this, we would have had trouble getting it completed.  Know why? Because I fell asleep on Laila (my partner).  She asked me to help her and support her and I didn’t.  And I’ve done it before to different people.  I don’t answer phone calls or write back to my text messages. What if I need to? What if that person really needs me and isn’t just calling because they want to?

God gave us each other for a reason.  He wants us to communicate, to care, and to be compassionate about each other’s lives.  He wants us to grow into him.  He wants us to be there for one another, because we can.  We have the ability to listen to each other and to talk back. It’s a shame we don’t always use it.

I hate when people ignore me. Particularly when I need them to reassure me, when I need them to tell me that they’re still around in my life, when I need them to listen.  I hate it, but I still do it to other people.   If I’ve ever done it to you, I’m sorry.  Truly, I’m working on it.  But I think there’s something important to remember in this- He is always there for us. Though human responses tend to comfort us, text message replies, returned phone calls, and wall-to-walls really don’t matter.  God is the One we can turn to under any circumstance.  God is the one we can depend on to listen.  We don’t have to call and expect a voicemail.  We don’t have to wait for that “1 New Message” on our phones.  We don’t have to look for a notification.  He just listens.  Never forget that. We can always cry to Him.

Anchor, Cinderblock, God.

Sorry I've been getting behind, guys. My first weekend as an active blogger and I let myself down.  That being said, I'm going to get myself even farther behind by neglecting my devotion and writing from my heart. I'll get caught up, I just don't know when.

As most of you know, last month I was blessed enough to go to Ethiopia.  The experience was indescribable.  But I'll talk about that later.  It'll be a long blog, so I'll probably just wait until I'm done with Deep Dive.

Anyway, last weekend, we all got together to gather pictures and catch up.  Last Monday was when God started using that 3-D lens to get to me. Last night, the team (minus 4 people) did a presentation at church discussing some of our favorite and most touching moments from the trip with church congregants and community members.  Just like on the trip, moments of laughter and tears, smiles and shaky voices were present.  But it was great. And we played a short video made by Miss Erica of pictures and music. I felt God's hand on me once again and I felt secure and strong.  But something else was on my heart.

What about next weekend? What about next Monday or Friday or the days in between? What about when I don't have a team reunion to remind me of my 10 days in Ethiopia? What happens if this weight that God has grounded me with starts breaking down? What happens if I forget?

Guys- I'm afraid of that.  I'm afraid that I'll watch a photo montage of my experience a few times and that I'll cry a lot and that I'll remember the heart behind the faces and that I'll feel the depth of what I went through and then I'll forget it all. I'm afraid that the pictures are going to lose their importance and their emotion.  I'm afraid that I'm going to forget the dusty, calloused hands I shook and the smiles of the poor.  I'm afraid that I'm going to forget the words "I love you" spoken in broken English to me and my team members. I'm afraid that I'm going to forget God's true love displayed through their anguish.  I'm just afraid I'm going to forget.

So tonight, I ask God that He will never lift this weight off of me. Coming back, I've been burdened, I've been stressed, I've been mentally tried.  God has challenged my intellect and my emotions, along with my friendships and my faith. But the weight is worth it. The weight is so worth it. I pray that God does not lift this anchor that is holding me down, that He does not crumble the cinderblock resting on my heart, and that He prevails- because not only is He my Anchor and my Cinderblock, He is my God.

Daddy, Here I Am.

Day 3: John 17

Today’s Scripture passage is really interesting because the whole thing is Jesus’ prayer for his followers and for all believers.  Whenever you hear someone pray, you get an opportunity to see what’s really on their heart, as they talk to God.  This passage lets us see what’s on Jesus’ heart as he prays for his followers.  Here are some things to look for as you read: How important to Jesus is the unity of his followers? What is the purpose of getting all believers to work together? (v. 23) Jesus has given us the church as a place where we can join together to serve Him.  It’s also a place where He makes Himself known to us, so we can then make him known to others. This week, make an effort to begin, restart, or continue worshipping and serving Jesus with those in a local church.

As I retyped the devotion, I had to reread the scripture to get some umph in my writing for today’s (actually, yesterday’s) devo.  I started reading and remembered that the whole scripture is a prayer to protect God’s people, a prayer to protect believers.  The prayer doesn’t ask for guidance over everyone, it asks for guidance over the people who ask for it- His followers. 

God calls us His children.  Think about it- when you’re in a family and there are other children, you have siblings. You have a common ground with other people; you have the same rules as they do, the same guidelines, some of the same memories, lessons, and ultimately answer to the same person.  As believers of God, as His children, we do all of the same things. We ultimately answer to Him and we ultimately have a sibling-like bond with all of His other children.  Of course, we don’t think about it this way, but it’s true. Why wouldn’t we consider this? We owe something to each other as family members- and this is the promise that we have through Christ. Unity, fellowship, togetherness.  God blessed us with these privileges, but we don’t often use them.

I meant to go to church on last night on campus, but I had too much homework. Really, I worked on it for nearly 8 hours. I promise, no more than 30 minutes of Facebook breaks total. But I plan to go to church next week.  I’m planning around it, actually. Anyway, I’m making an effort to kick this God thing in gear. I want to meet with other believers. I want a family reunion…I want to come home…

…Just call me the prodigal. 

New Game: Connect More.

Day 2: Genesis 2:4-25

"What were you created for? What were you specifically designed to do? Each person has special gifts and talents and was created for a unique purpose, but there is also a general answer to these questions that fits everyone.  Do you want to know what it is? Well, it’s NOT texting.  So many teens love to text.  Ever wonder why? Texting makes us feel connected to others. Posting on Facebook and Twitter has a lot of appeal too, because it’s all about social relationships.  Bout sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the drama and log off feeling emptier than when we started.  While texting, Facebook, and Twitter are fun options to digitally connect, it’s important that we invest in relationships in other ways, too.  What about those who live for getting awards?  From academics, to sports, to who’s who- all those are great, but they’re just not what we were all created for.  Some live life like it’s all about making money.  Having money is not a bad thing.  But even if we plan to give it all away, it’s still not what we were created for.  The one thing we are all created for is relationship.  We were all created with a huge need for a relationship with God, and for the relationships with other people.  The word “relationship” means “connection”.  Can you think of some specific times when you’ve felt this strong need to connect with others? This is one reason why God created the Church- to build strong relationships with others who know Him and to worship Him together.  If you don’t already have a church, try to find a local church you can plug into this Sunday.  You need them and they need you."

Wow, God, really? I read this one as I was walking to class today.  Every word got to me. I think it’s really interesting that God discussed texting, Facebook, and Twitter in this devotional.  Way to target me hardcore.  If you’re reading this, it’s most likely because I sent you a Facebook message letting you know about its existence.  If you got that message, you know me well enough to know I’m on Twitter and love it. <Shameless, shameless plug….follow me. :)> I also text and BBM and all that good stuff. I get my emails on my phone and I’m never behind.  I get it, God. I’m probably not living the best life I could.

But back to the main point of the devo- connection.  I’m missing it. Really missing it.  I think Ethiopia changed it all. I feel like I came back and was just alienated.  I’m not surprised, really.  Going on a trip like that and seeing the things I saw, smelling the things I smelled, hearing the things I heard, feeling the things I felt, and even tasting the things I tasted, it changed me in a big way.  Now, please don’t get me wrong; I’m not in any way trying to blame my friends here for not getting it.  It’s not something you “get”, you experience it. But anyhow, I’m missing connection. 

I don’t want to live for a class or for an organization or even for my friends or for my family.  All of those things are great and all of the people are superb, but they’re not what I want to define me.  Right now, they’re probably what define me, I’m not ashamed to admit that. But it’s not what I want. I want God to define my life.  I want to live for God.

Back to connection. In the devo, it specifically says, “Can you think of some specific time when you’ve felt this strong need to connect with others?” Uh…yeah.  Right now, actually.  I’m finding it in God, and I’d really love to find it with some of you.  Tomorrow night I’m taking the challenge laid out in the devotion and I’m going to a church I’ve heard a lot about.  I know some people who help with it and I’m bringing my angel-twin Sara with me.  I’m really excited. I really want to connect. 

Because I need them and maybe they need me. 

Fellowship And The Forgiven.

Day 1: 1 John 1

"Would you go skydiving without a parachute? Would you bungee jump without a bungee? Would you go on a roller coaster ride without pulling the shoulder harness down? Would you scuba dive with no air in the tanks? Could I convince you to eat a rotten egg with a dead goldfish in it, just for the fun of it? The answer to all these questions is a definite “NO!!!” That stuff isn’t smart. It’s not tempting.  It’s a no brainer! Why? Because participating in any of those activities would lead to pain for sure, and probably to death! Wanna know something crazy?  Most teenagers take those kinds of chances every day.  They may not be performing daredevil stunts or eating raw food, but they take the chance of living life on their own.  God designed us in His image, as relational beings.  He created us to be in a relationship with Him and with other believers (1 John 1:3)  In the Bible, Christians are never divided into those who go to church and those who don’t.  In the New Testament, wherever Christians were within range of each other, they met.  In the book of Acts, every time the apostle Paul went to towns where there were new Christians, he immediately helped them meet with each other, and together they became a little church.  Pray that God would give you a heart for his people and that he would help you make the choice to meet consistently with other Christians."

That’s what the devo for yesterday was. I’m going to post the devo everyday, and then my response.  Hope that works for everyone.

So this blog seemed relevant yesterday as I sat in the union eating my monkey wrap from Oasis Café.  Ps- Yum. Anyway, it was 1 John 1:6-7 that really caught my eye: “So if we say we have fellowship with God, but we continue living in darkness, we are liars and do not follow the truth. But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from every sin.”  What hit me about this was that it was just Monday night (the night before I first read this) when Sara and I were talking about how we were feeling a strange sense of emptiness.  A sense of lacking and a hole that we both felt could only truly be filled by God. We often have the same brain, so it was no surprise that we both felt it.  I loved talking to her about God. The sense of fellowship, even in just one person was so refreshing.  So that was then, that was yesterday as I read this the first time.

But as I typed it off of my phone, I realized another strange revelation. When it talks about God not separating His people, that hit home.  I’m taking it out of context, but that part really reminded me of Ethiopia.  One of the biggest things that I noticed through that experience was the fact that All children are God’s children.  There’s difference in race and society, culture and social class, but we’re all God’s children. We all live because of his promise. We're all forgiven. No exceptions. No separation. God doesn’t discriminate love.

And as for the rest of the devotion, it’s right- we as Christians need each other. But it has to be a want as well.  So I challenge you, as I’m challenging myself, to step out of your box and find a Christian and talk about God. Crave that fellowship, and feed the craving.  Find someone in the hallway or on the street and say, “God loves you.” Be a connection to God, prove that you’re a Christian. Walk the walk, don’t just talk the talk.

Live it up, love it up. :)

Perhaps This Is The Purpose.

Last weekend, I downloaded a free Bible app for my phone. It’s pretty awesome; I can’t imagine how great the ones that cost money are.  Anyway, included in this lovely application are reading plans, which I LOVE! Right now I’m working on two of them. One is a typical, read-the-whole-Bible-in-a-year kind of app that will guide me to reading the Old Testament once this year and the New Testament twice.  The other is a devotion called “Deep Dive 14”. 

God had something to do with me finding this devo as well as He has with this week (and the rest of all time, I suppose).  There’s an option for devotionals on the app, and as I was scrolling through the titles, this one struck me.  The paraphrased description of this devotion is to give teens an opportunity to dive deeper (hence the name) into God’s word and be challenged spiritually. It’s only a 14-day devotion, so it seemed really do-able. I’m thinking that maybe I can share my observations right here with you? I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday, so I have two posts to do tonight.

I think I’m going to end this post now, and then just start my devo ones by themselves. To each their own, right? 

From The Inside Out.

Something is taking my heart away; I can feel it literally pulling at every artery and vein and slowly ripping it out. And although tears come to my eyes each and every time that I consider it, these salty drops aren’t from sadness or pain, but instead from joy and desire to follow the source.  The way to this source isn’t an easy one; it’s a narrow path, a one-way street, a dark tunnel, but with the brightest light at the end.

God’s doing something with me. He’s breaking my heart and building it back up.  He’s preparing me for his work. He’s making me sit outside of a lecture hall, tears in my eyes, and a sniffly nose as I consider His power. And despite the other homework I could and perhaps should be doing at this moment, He’s making me type this, whatever it is. Whatever it becomes. God’s doing it all.

Last week, I discovered I could get Pandora music on my phone.  For those of you who don’t know what Pandora is, it’s just great. Go to pandora.com and start building your perfect playlist.  If you’re really daring, let God build your perfect playlist. Today, I left my dorm room and walked outside to the brisk Purdue sidewalks.  I plugged in my headphones, and typed Brandon Heath’s name into the station finder on Pandora.  It was God. Only God could hand pick every song that played and has played in the past few hours.  Folks, I can’t put into words on a computer screen the wonder and awe that is going back and forth between my head and heart right now.

God is so good.  That’s all there is to it.

I walked out of class today to the gloomy clouds of February and once again, turned on my new music friend- my phone. This stopped me in my tracks, froze me for more than the cold air, and warmed my frigid eyes with tears: the sky opened and the sun illuminated the piles of snow on the sidewalk.  I know you’re thinking, “Okay, what’s the big deal? So the sun came out.”  That’s not what stopped me. That’s not what gave me chills. That’s not what hit me like a ton of bricks. The lyrics to the song that had just started did all of that: “Light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me You are with me. I can’t deny, no, I can’t deny that You are right here with me. You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me.”

I don’t just have a feeling that God is trying to get me to hear him.  He’s not whispering anymore, he’s past the “inside voice” level, and isn’t just screaming at a Friday night football game. God is talking through a speaker of enormous proportion.  God is announcing the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.  If noise could be 3-D, He would be using it. Maybe He is, because I think He can probably make that happen. That’s what I’m going to go with- God is speaking to me in 3-D. And the same way I can’t not jump when something flies towards me in a 3-D movie, I can’t not listen to Him. I can’t ignore it. It’s impossible. 

So that’s that.  I don’t know what else needs to be said or what else needs to be done. I’m going to wait for Him to tell me. But I wanted you all to know what God’s doing in me. I wanted you all to know that God is a master communicator.  I wanted all of you to be aware of it, because I want all of you to listen.  You don’t open your ears with God, you open your heart. So open your heart, and listen.

I have a feeling that I’m going to be going on a journey. I’d love it if you wanted to join me. I’m going to try to keep updating and let you know how this whole thing goes. More importantly, I’m going to try to let this thing go somewhere.

It may be a little late for new year’s resolutions, but here’s mine: Be Bold. Be Obedient. Be His Child.

God bless.